Thoughts On My Childhood

The more I think about it, the more I realize that when I was younger, I was much too concerned with those around me.

I worried too much about what other people thought of me.

I responded negatively to peer pressure. For this reason, I lost a dear friend who I was lucky enough to reconnect with after elementary school. 

I was too influenced by what those around me said. 

I never wanted to be popular. Never was. And never will be.

I still wanted to fit in though. I conformed to those around me. My friends were fans of Taylor Swift, so I insisted on being a fan as well. They all were in dance, so I wanted to be, too. My friends were all a different religion than me. Every single one of them. They all shared something that I couldn't connect with. I wanted to feel like I fit in with them. Wanted to feel apart of those meetings they were constantly talking about. 

However, once I left elementary school, I realized that that was not who I really was. 

I was, and am, a girl who loves reading. A girl who loves playing an instrument. A girl who doesn't want to fit in with the "popular kids." A girl who doesn't care what others think of her.  A girl who doesn't mind being an orchestra nerd. A girl who has two left feet and was never destined to dance gracefully. A girl who doesn't mind being the quietest in the class. The girl who hates group projects because she's not the most sociable person with those she doesn't know well. A girl who likes One Direction. A girl who surrounds herself with those she truly can be herself with. A girl who doesn't care who sees her writing creatively. A girl who doesn't like watching T.V. all day long. A girl who tries to think about the world around her. A girl who hates conflict among people. A girl who wants equality, whether throughout the world, or just within her school. A girl who strives to be confident in who she is. 

It hasn't always been this way. It's taken years for me to come out of my shell. To feel confident. 

And the people around me are constantly trying to change me. 

My school has a focus on sports. If you aren't apart of a sport, it's like you don't exist. It's not that I want that recognition for myself, I want it for the people and groups that I know deserve recognition. For instance, several members of the Chamber Orchestra got to go to regional solo and ensemble. Several even made it to state after that. But when the school recognized those who made it to state, there was no mention of them. Later on, Chamber was recognized for making it to state as a group. I was so proud of them when I found out about that. But it made me wonder, why weren't the individuals recognized?

I have been told that I should try out for the volleyball team on several occasions. While I have considered it, I ultimately ruled it out. The competition is not apart of who I am. I love the game, but not the competition.

I guess that's what growing up has taught me. 

I don't have to conform to the standards that my peers and society sets for me. I can have my own values, my own interests, my own frame of mind. 

I can be my own person. We all can. 

Just because we are expected to conform to the beliefs and values of everyone else, doesn't mean we have to.

I want all of you to try to work toward this goal with me. Be an individual. Don't allow society to decide who you are. Choose it for yourself.